Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
