Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize