it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
