i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
