just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
