Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
