i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
