respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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