I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Randomize
