Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Randomize
