i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
