"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
