Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
