I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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