Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I think I have vodka in my lungs
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
