I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Randomize
