I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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