I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
