May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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