She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize