Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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