so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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