i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
