I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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