That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
