check it out our google latitudes are spooning
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Randomize
