Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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