i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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