Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
