I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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