New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
