I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
