I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
This baby is an asshole
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
