please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
