dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
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