She said her name was "party"
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Randomize
