yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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