so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
