let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
should my penis look like a turkey
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
