Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
barbara walters just said penis...
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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