I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
