I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
what day is it and did you see me today?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Randomize
