never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
