The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
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