You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
