WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
