It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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