I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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