I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
pray to the hookup gods
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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