i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Randomize
