Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
