Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Just high enough for therapy.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize