I wish I could punch you in the face.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
