you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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