Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
this hospital has no fireball
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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