not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
