He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
