ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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