I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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