You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
