just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
my poor anus
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
