whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
