my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
