I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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