That's intense
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
