You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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