if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
