Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
