i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
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