okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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