tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
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