fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
