this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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