For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
