it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Randomize
