whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
