the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
