so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
my being single is dangerous.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
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