the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
