I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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