we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
