Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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