i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Randomize
