Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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