no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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