If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
