he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
