The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
