You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
