Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
