btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
