saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
