So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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