My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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