She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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