VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Randomize
