Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I want a musical about memes.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
