I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
